Sooner
by Nyx of the night
Summary: So Tesla gets pregnant while Ulquiorra was around 6 months pregnant. Being an Oklahoma fan Nnoitra names the child 'Sooner' Read the comedy of Tesla's pregnancy and the first year of little Sooner's life. WARNING: THIS STORY IS RATED M FOR IT CONTAINS MALE PREGNANCY, EXPLICIT LANGUAGE, AND SEXUAL REFERENCES!*we do not own the image used*
1. Chapter 1

"That bitch is going to pay for stabbing me!" Nnoitra exclaimed as they left Ulquiorra and Grimmjow's house. Tesla followed, concerned.

"Please don't call Ulquiorra that…." He said rather quietly.

Nnoitra glared at him, but then his gaze softened, "Are you really okay Tesla?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"You were really upset…. I didn't mean to forget your birthday." Nnoitra said, not looking at Tesla.

He was quiet. Tesla didn't know what to say. His boyfriend was just stabbed by a hormone crazed pregnant man who was out to kill his fiancée! _Was it a good idea to leave them alone? _Thought Tesla.

Nnoitra was beginning to freak out at Tesla's silence. _Is he mad? Is he giving me the silent treatment!? Is he going to break up with me!? What should I do!? _He thought, starting to panic.

"….Nnoitra, how did you get here?"

Nnoitra blinked, "…huh? I hitched a ride with Grimmjow."

"Great. That means we have to walk home….." Tesla said, slightly complaining.

"I think I have some money for the bus." He said, digging through his pockets.

_Since when does Nnoitra carry money with him? _Tesla thought.

"….Crap! Screw Grimmjow!" Nnoitra yelled when he opened his wallet. There was a note in it.

_**IOU**_

_** 50 BUCKS**_

_** GRIMMJOW**_

Tesla read it and covered his mouth so that Nnoitra couldn't hear him laugh. _Typical Grimmjow. I guess we're walking five miles to our place…._

They started walking off in the general direction of their house. Tesla was still being quiet, and it was freaking Nnoitra out, _I'm so~ being dumped! Tesla hates me now!_

As if sensing Nnoitra's desperation, Tesla looked up at him with big, round, aqua eyes and said, "Don't worry Nnoitra. I don't hate you for cheating or forgetting my birthday. It's a mistake that most make, and if you feel bad and regret it, then I forgive you."

Now it was Nnoitra's turn to elapse into a stunned quiet. _Tesla…. Doesn't hate me? He's so kind~! But is it just me, or did he sound like some sort of philosopher…._

"Nnoitra-sama?" Tesla bit his lower lip. _Did I say something? This is like the awkward silences people suffer… it's so awkward! _Tesla looked down as if suddenly intrigued by the concrete and his feet. _What should I do!? _A strong hand then grabbed the back of Tesla's shirt and yanked him back roughly. At the same time a huge semi roared by.

Nnoitra's grip on Tesla's shirt loosened when the truck was finally out of sight. He glared angrily down at the shocked man. "What the hell! Do you _want _to get hit by a huge semi!?" He grabbed Tesla's thin shoulders and started to shake the younger and smaller man, screaming. "Do you want little pieces of your body scattered along some random road while the driver is sitting there singing to some random damn country song and drinking a beer!?" _The idiot! Wait….. What if he wanted to get hit and killed!_

Tesla looked guiltily down at the ground, tears pricking the corners of his eyes. "I'm sorry Nnoitra..." He muttered.

"Damn straight you're sorry!" Anger rolling off of him in giant waves, "Now watch where you're fuckin' goin' before you _do _get hit and I can't save you!"

"Yes N-nnoitra…" He stammered, closer to tears. "I-I didn't mean to….."

Nnoitra's gaze softened and he hugged Tesla close, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you… I was just worried…."

"I know….." Tesla mumbled, eyes glistening with the unshed tears.

"Now let's get home before you do get hit."

"Okay."

Nnoitra looked down at Tesla who was solemnly gazing at the ground. _I didn't mean to lose my temper…. He was just being so careless!_

Tesla chewed on his bottom lip. _I didn't mean to upset Nnoitra…. I was just so wrapped up in my thoughts that I soon became careless. But why would Nnoitra care anyway…. He doesn't ever want to get married or start a family…. He'd rather stay a free man than stay with me…. _Tesla then tasted blood as it filled his mouth. Realizing he had broken the skin on his lip he stopped chewing and started to mess with his hands instead.

And so the two walked the rest of the five miles to their house in a deep and awkward silence.

~AT HOUSE~

Nnoitra walked up to the front door and tried to get in. _Damn it…. It's locked. _Tesla came up beside him, eyes downcast.

"Tesla?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you lock the door when you left?"

"No. I didn't even know we had a lock."  
"…..we don't…"

Both men looked at the door and thought in unison, _Then how is it locked shut!?_

Nnoitra grasped the handle and pulled with all his might, but the door still wouldn't budge. Tesla then noticed a mistake on Nnoitra's part and covered his mouth as to hide his laugher.

Hearing a _thump _Nnoitra turned around to see Tesla on the ground laughing so hard he was reduced to tears.

He glared at Tesla, "What's so funny!?"

"You're pulling the door! It's a push!" Tesla managed to get out before bursting into more hysterical laughter.

"Huh…" Nnoitra turned the handle and pushed, at once the door swung easily inward. "That…..is a bitch….Now stand up before people start to stare at the crazy blonde lying on the ground, laughing like a mad man."

Tesla took a deep, shaky, breath and stood up, grinning. "Fine. But at least I don't pull push doors~."

"Shut. Up." Nnoitra glowered and strode into their house, Tesla following close behind.

_I still feel bad about forgetting his birthday…how can I make it up to—That's it! _Nnoitra grinned and ran to their bedroom, calling to Tesla, "Stay on the couch!"

Confused, Tesla sat on the couch and responded, "….Okay?" _What's he up to….?_

In the bedroom, Nnoitra ran about searching for candles. Soon he had found twenty-two candles and placed them randomly about the room, after they were all placed he stole a bunch of roses from Tesla's garden. He hurried back inside and scattered the rose petals all over the room and placed twenty-two full roses across the pillows. As a finishing touch he lit all the candles and turned off the overhead light, giving the room a sexy romantic feel and glow.

After double checking to make sure everything was perfect, he ran into the living room full of excitement. "C'mon Tesla~, your birthday present is waiting~!"

Tesla was completely confused as to what was happening, "Uh…" _Wha!? I thought he said he forgot! I'm so confused!_

Nnoitra sighed in exasperation and grabbed his boyfriend's wrist. "I said c'mon! Before the mood dies!"

"Wha?!" Now Tesla was _very _confused, but he just followed along with it. "Okay…"

Nnoitra bit his lip, _This better work. _He scooped Tesla up bridal style and carried him into the room.

When Tesla saw what Nnoitra had done to the room his eyes widened, "Nnoitra…"

"Happy Birthday Tesla~," He smiled and kissed Tesla, gently at first then more hungrily.

Nnoitra set Tesla on the bed, still kissing him and started to remove his clothes, Tesla doing the same. Once all articles of clothing were removed Nnoitra pushed Tesla so he was laying down and put his fingers in the blonde's mouth. Tesla immediately started to suck and soon they were coated.

The taller one took his fingers out and prepped the birthday boy. Soon, Nnoitra was inside of him, thrusting quickly and Tesla was moaning loudly with ecstasy and joy. The two then released and collapsed happily together. Tesla curled up next to Nnoitra, "I love you Nnoitra…"

Nnoitra smiled and wrapped his arms around the blonde, "I love you too Tesla….." Then the two fell fast asleep.

_A/N So this is my first lemon~ (PLEASE TELL ME HOW IT IS!) And the first chapter in our TeslaxNnoitra story! I was looking at a bunch of notebooks I had found under my bed and decided it was about time to post this one~) Chapter two will come Sunday I think (Depends on how much homework I still have to do)! Thanks for reading and please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

Nnoitra woke up the next morning happy like a butterfly. _I'm so glad we made up~~! _He looked lovingly down at lover and smiled. _He's so cute~~._

Tesla's thin pale body was curled tight into a ball beside him. Nnoitra moved over a bit, as to give the smaller man room, but Tesla just snuggled up into Nnoitra's warm body. At that action Nnoitra's smile widened and he gently kissed the top of Tesla's head. "I love you Tesla…."

"Love…too…..sama….." He muttered sleepily in response.

About an hour later both were up and clothed, Tesla cleaning their, now trashed, bedroom and Nnoitra attempting to make toast.

_Okay…..put bread in toaster. They make it sound so damn easy! But it's not! It's very hard! _Nnoitra thought angrily when nothing happened to the bread…..again….

Tesla skipped happily in, "Still can't figure out the toaster Nnoitra-sama~?"

"…no."

"Here, It'll probably help if you were to plug it in first." He giggled and plugged it in. Minutes later the toast popped out and Nnoitra placed them on a plate and brought them to the table, "Here. Your majesty."

Smirking, Tesla responded, "Why thank you my ever faithful slave~."

"Shut up and eat." Nnoitra sat down across from him and bit into his slice of toast.

Tesla nibbled on his, then set it down and looked up at Nnoitra, "What do you wanna do today?"

Nnoitra looked out the window, which was to his left, as to avoid Tesla's puppy look, "I don't know or care."

"I was thinking we need to go to the store, we're running low on food."  
"Alright. Wal*Mart?"

"They're the cheapest. Especially since I'm the only one with money."

"Well I am sorry I got fired! It's not my fault the school board thought I was a bad influence and therefore a bad kindergarten teacher!"

"Well, it _is _your fault you have a gambling problem, which is why we're so poor."

"It's not a problem!"

"You lost our _car_. You're lucky David is a lawyer and go it back."

"That was one time!"

"Twice."

"Fine. Twice. Now let's go….." Nnoitra stood up and grabbed the car keys. Then walked out to the blush pink smart car.

Tesla ran after him. "Wait for me Nnoitra-sama!" He hopped into the passenger seat and waited while Nnoitra struggled to get his long body into the tiny ant car, cursing with words that would make the mother of a kindergartener faint.

"So _that's _why you were fired~." Tesla laughed.

"Huh?" Nnoitra asks, finally getting into the car.

"You're uncontrollable potty mouth~~. It's another reason why you lost your job~~~~"

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Wanna bet?"

"Fine. I bet you can't go the rest of the day without using any form of curse word."

"If I win, we get a new car and dump this one."

"And if I win you find a job, finally."

"Deal." The two shook hands, then headed to Wal*Mart. (Let the games…..…..BEGIN!)

Nnoitra was winning, and he was smug about it. Then Tesla became a victim of a hit and run and Nnoitra lost that bet in a snap.

A six year old girl was zipping through the giant supermarket on a skateboard, being idiotic she wasn't watching where she was going. After plowing down six elderly men and an infant, she still was speeding around. Tesla was trying to get Nnoitra to cuss, he didn't want to lose his beautiful car~.

The blonde was just about to insult his boyfriend and his taste in….._magazines_, when all of the sudden he was smashed into and fell to the floor.

"Ow….." he muttered, rubbing his head. When he looked up to see the culprit, she had already sped down into the ice cream aisle.

"….the fuck….." Nnoitra muttered.

Tesla jumped up and jabbed a finger in Nnoitra's face, "Hahaha! You cursed! That means you lost! You now have to find a job! And we can keep the awesome car~~~! Yay~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!"

Nnoitra glared down at him, totally pissed off~. He then started to recite every insult he knew, ranging from 'go to hell' to 'you fucking pig'.

Tesla smirked, "Someone's grumpy~~~~"

"Zip it."

"Here's a newspaper. You sit and look for a nice well-paying job, and I'll finish shopping~~." Tesla then zoomed off with the cart, leaving Nnoitra to stand there and curse.

After he finished scarring a five year old and her mother, Nnoitra sat down on a bench and reluctantly started to search for a job.

"Hm…lawn mower? No. Politician? No. Scientist…..no way in hell. I'm _not _gonna end up like Szayel." He shivered, the continued reading. "Cryptologist….what the fuck is that? Eh…I'll ask Tesla~. Hm…..high school teacher…..sounds good…" He circled it in red, then found a few more jobs and finished. Right when Tesla returned with the paid groceries.

"Everything's been bought~, what jobs did you find~?"

"Lawyer, high school teacher, and zookeeper. Oh! And a cryptologist!"

"Uh…."

"By the way, which is a cryptologist?"

"A person that studies codes or writes or solves them."

"Ohh~~~." Nnoitra said, not really getting it.

"Let's just scratch that off…..since you don't understand it that well…."

"Screw you…..but fine."

Tesla started walking towards the car, "How bout you do the high school teaching, you do have teaching experience."

"You're right~! Okay~~ I'll get an interview tomorrow~~."

Tesla sighed. "Okay. Now that's settled. Hopefully with your money we'll be able to get more food…and stay up with the taxes and bills."

"Mhm…" Nnoitra mumbled as he tossed the groceries in the trunk and got in, Tesla following.

They were driving in silence, Tesla fiddling with his fingers as if he needed to tell Nnoitra something. _Ugh….how am I gonna tell him….how the hell did Ulquiorra do this!? I'll just wait…there's a chance I'm not…._

Nnoitra glanced over at him, "Something wrong?"

Tesla jumped, yelping. "N-no Nnoitra! Nothing's wrong….."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~That night~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tesla sat in the bathroom, head hanging low, "Fuck…"

Nnoitra, worried as to why Tesla was in there so long started banging on the door, "Tesla? Is everything okay? DON'T KILL YOURSELF! WE CAN SORT OUT OUR PROBLEMS AND YOU CAN SEE A THERAPIST!"

Tesla opened the door and yelled, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD I KILL MYSELF YOU DAMN IDIOT!" He hung his head low to hide his tears, "J-just leave me alone….."He then ran out of the house, leaving a clueless and injured Nnoitra standing there in shock.

Tesla ran till he was lost in the woods. He sat down on a tree trunk and started to cry, _He doesn't want kids…he said it himself….if he finds out, will he leave me? Why did this have to happen!?_


	3. Chapter 3

Nnoitra searched all over for Tesla that night, but still there was no sign of him. _Fucking hell! Where the fuck did the bastard go! And what the hell had gotten into him!_ He kicked angrily at a tree, only to hear it squeal in response.

"…Tesla?" He looked down and saw the small blonde on the ground, his eyes red and puffy from crying. Nnoitra knelt down and sat by him, "What's wrong Tesla? Why'd you run off like that? You had me worried sick!"

"I…..I didn't know…..wh-what to do….." He sniffed.

"Tesla, you have to stop running off. I'm getting tired chasing after you all the time. Now just tell me what's got you so worked up."

"I-I'm….pregnant…." Tesla whispered. _Now here comes him leaving me…._

"O.O…..baby…" Nnoitra stared at him in shock.

"Y-yeah…." Tesla muttered, staring at his hands which were resting in his lap.

"….WHAT THE FUCK! I CAN'T BE A DAD! I DON'T WANT FUCKIN KIDS," Nnoitra yelled as he stood up, pacing and freaking out.

_…he's taking it better than I thought…at least I'm not dumped yet….._

Nnoitra kicked a tree, mad now, "DAMN IT WHY DIDN'T YOU GO ON THAT PILL! THEN THIS WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED!"

Tesla got mad at this, he was just irritated from the blame Nnoitra was putting on him. And probably the stress of finding out something was growing inside of him….either one works~. He stood up and yelled, "Or you could've worn a condom!"

The taller one grabbed the blonde by his hair and yanked him up so his feet where hanging inches above the ground, "Shut the fuck up."

Tesla cowered a bit, _Bad move…_ He watched as Nnoitra paced back and forth, rubbing his temples, _the fuck…I can't be a dad…I gotta get out of here…_ Nnoitra then walked away, leaving Tesla to stand there broken hearted.

_I knew this would happen…now all I have left of him is a kid…._ He slid down the tree trunk and sat on the ground, burying his face in his hands sobbing.

While that was happening with Tesla, Nnoitra was walking into town to get his fill of the three things all jackasses need: booze, cigars, and strippers.

Instead he got Grimmjow.


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: What happened between Nnoitra and Grimmjow was in the AV story, the whole drunken secret spilling thing…..so this is when Nnoitra ran off~_

Tesla walked timidly into the house, praying Nnoitra wasn't there but also hoping he was. He wasn't. The blonde sat down on the couch and rubbed his hands over his face, stressed.

After staying like that for about an hour, Nnoitra stumbled in the house stone drunk. "Tesla~!"

The small male jumped up, shocked. "Nnoitra!?"

The drunk giant ran up and hugged the smaller she-male. When he was done, he grabbed Tesla's hand and dragged him outside, shoving him into the car and getting behind the wheel.

"Uh…Nnoitra…should you be driving…..and why are you so different…" Tesla was shocked. He expected to be kicked out of the house, beaten, forced to get an abortion, so on and so on.

"Yes and I was just surprised. Tesla I love you, and if you want this kid then we're gonna have it." He started the engine and sped off, going _waaayyy _past the speed limit.

Tesla sat there in shock, _W-wha…!?_

Around eight hours later they were in Las Vegas. This is due to the magical powers of a blush pink smart car and a drunk Nnoitra. Originally it would take a little over seventeen hours. Nnoitra got skillz~! He jumped out of the car and dragged his captive into one of the chapels. Twenty minutes later the two were hitched. Tesla being frozen in shock the whole time.

The newlyweds walked back to the car and had their honeymoon, Tesla still in shock.

The next day, Nnoitra woke up in the tiny car with Tesla curled up asleep beside him, _What the fuck happened last night…_ He sat up and noticed the glint on his left hand. He sat there and stared at it in shock. After a few minutes Tesla woke up and stared at him, "Are you sober now."

"Yea…..what the hell happened last night." He looked down at him, puzzled.

"You came home drunk, kidnapped me, dragged me to Vegas, then got us hitched and had sex with me. Finally you fell asleep." He stared up at him, no expression on his face.

Nnoitra had no response. He just sat there, shocked. Tesla slipped into the driver's seat and started the engine, driving back to Seattle.

"Where are we going?"

"Back to Seattle where you're going to go join those AA meetings."

"What!? No way in hell!"

"Oh yes way in hell. This is out of control."

"….are we really married?"

"…..yes…"

"Good."

Tesla slammed on the breaks, causing Nnoitra to fly forward, "What!?"

Nnoitra rubbed his head which had slammed against the glass of the windshield. "I said good. I really did mean what I said when I came home. I blacked out when I was driving."

"Oh…." Tesla drove the rest of the seventeen hours in silent with Nnoitra napping off a hangover.

When they reached Seattle it was Tesla's turn to drag Nnoitra out of the car and force him into the building. The two sat in plastic chairs and a thin, blonde woman stood up in front talking about something Nnoitra didn't want to hear. By the end of the meeting he was the only one who hadn't spoken.

The blonde woman smiled over at him, "Would you like to share your experience?"

"No. Because I'm not an add—" Tesla elbowed his gut, causing Nnoitra to jump and glare at him. "You little sumbitch!"

Tesla just smiled, "I'm his wife. I believe he has a problem because last night he kidnapped me and drove me to Vegas and got us hitched when he was stone drunk."

The woman stared at them silently, then stood up and left the room. Then everyone else followed. Tesla hung his head, "Crap…you're incurable….our poor child is doomed….."

Nnoitra laughed, "Haha! No one will separate my alcohol from me! Now let's go! I'm hungry and want a burger."

So they left. Poor Tesla…..and his unborn child…..


End file.
